The · First · Law · of · Nature

Did a bit o shave last night. You like?

"On May 5, 2008, Marvel Entertainment released their first-quarter report to its shareholders to coincide with the announcement about the successful opening weekend of Iron Man, which grossed an estimated $100.7 million domestically and over $200 million worldwide. The announcement included an update of Marvel Studios' feature film slate with the already-rumored Iron Man 2 announced for a release on April 30, 2010, http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=44654"

YES.

I'm on vacation all this week, and I decided to have myself an In-Town Vaca. Yesterday, I took some photos around our downtown area.

This is actually a bastardization of the meme as a way to find a band name for me and Professor T Matheson Leigh. (It's going to be a post-punk band.)

Me in 1995, during those few months I had my hair dyed blond.

Sometime in 1997, I hung with Cake, before they made it really big. Lead singer still owes me a cigarette.

Second day in a row the day started in the 30s. April Aught-Eight is turning out to be an odd month.

April 16, Tallahassee, Florida: 37 degrees Fahrenheit.

Go figure.

Tiger Woods 07 for the PSP. After many, many, many tries, I finally win a tournament. Here comes the story of Hurra Kane.

I mentioned in my microautobiography how I hate my first name and have contemplated legally changing it for a long time. Well, after a long discussion with my wife (who changed her last name ten years ago) and some serious deep-thinking, I feel I should start taking the first steps to do this. To start, I'd like to try out the name I've chosen, see how it fits.

And I'd like you to help.

The name is Kane. The rest of my name, the Curtis Gruber part, shall remain the same. I hope you'll help me out with this, and understand there are many reasons why I want to do this, and none of it is a whim. If you have any questions about it, as always, I'm happy to explain. But thanks for reading.

I was kicked out of the Air Force.

I was homeless.

I have been a father.

I won awards for my writing, and one for my cartooning.

I have been to a political convention.

I have met a handful of mid-level celebrities and a couple of big ones.

I essentially taught myself to play guitar.

I have written almost 400 songs.

I have written 50 songs that don't outright suck.

I saw glaciers, swam in two oceans (and a gulf), flown over Canada, and built snowmen.

I have been married twice.

I have one piercing (left ear) and no tattoos (yet).

I have been Episcopalian, Lutheran, Baptist, Lutheran again, agnostic, Deist, Taoist, and now atheist.

I can cook rather well.

I can type upwards of 95 wpm.

I have been a waiter, grocery store clerk, hotel night auditor, columnist, radio news reporter, record reviewer, cook, web designer, rock musician, rapper, illustrator, and a support technician.

I have been in Wired magazine, mentioned in a published book, been in 5 different commercials on TV, on the radio, and all over the Web.

I have been arrested three times.

I've been drunk 10 times. High five times.

I've never done any drug harder than alcohol or weed.

I play most of my video games with the cheats turned on.

I use a Mac and I like it.

I have been dirt poor, working class, and middle class.

I have only one official education-related certificate of completion (my high school diploma).

I lost my high school class ring years ago.

I am 5'6" and weigh about 256 lbs.

I like swimming and bike riding, but I've done neither in years.

I developed arthritis at age 14, shinsplints at 19, and gout at 32.

I have been blogging for more than eight years and have been online for almost 15.

I carry a laptop bag with a portable DVD player, a 60GB iPod, a mobular phone, a PSP, and a digital camera almost everywhere I go.

I am not as hip as the web kids or the indie kids or the photography kids, and by kids I mean you people who are my age or thereabouts.

I hate my first name and have been seriously contemplating legally changing it for all of my adult life. My latest possible name change? "Kane."

I am a grammar/spelling/punctuation pedant.*

I can dance.

I have nice, if rough, singing voice.

I cannot play sports worth a good God damn but have wished I could almost every day since I was 3.

I am a depressive.

I have tried to kill myself 5 separate times.

I abhor alcoholics, the right-wing, the religious, addicts of almost any stripe, and the people who think they're cool because they're contrarian.

I hate what my parents have done to me but sometimes I still miss talking to them, even though we haven't spoken in 12 years.

I love cats and dogs alike. I am not a fan of fish or birds as pets.

I am 34 but I am still very much a kid in my own mind.

I love Star Wars, Star Trek, and loads of sci-fi.

I am a fan of TV as a form of entertainment.

I am bold, brash, confrontational, rude, but very much insecure much of the time.

I am Chris Gruber.

(and I'm fine if you want to turn this into a meme and do it yourself.)

* Props to alanpartlow for pointing out my irony-rich life. :-)

Yesterday was my 34th birthday. I enjoyed my day off from work by indulging in a gift to myself, a portable DVD player from the folks at Sony. Now I can watch "Scrubs" wherever the hell I am. But the focus of the day ended up being a secret plan hatched by my wife Lisa (aka skovalia) and my roommate Pat (aka fingerhead).

Apparently, for the last few weeks, they have been conspiring to surprise me with a birthday gathering at a local Japanese steakhouse, one of those with the wacky knife-tossing chefs. I enjoy this sort of thing just fine, but I was feeling tired yesterday and was tempted to say "Aw, the hell with it, let's just go home." Turns out, that would have ruined everything since there were about 8 people waiting at the steakhouse for me.

For the birthday roast.

Years ago, I proposed a birthday party idea to my then-group of friends: a birthday roast. For one year, everyone's birthday party would be a Friar's Club-style roast at which we would poke, prod, and tease our friends out of love. Finally, after years of talking about this idea, Pat and Lisa made this happen.

I got ragged on for being short, fat, hairy, talkative, argumentative, and even for being an atheist. It was hilarious and of course I got my chance to hit back. There were even two long-distance jabs at me from folks who couldn't make it and instead sent videos. I haven't ever had such a fun time on my birthday and I feel more sorry for the folks who missed it. Maybe one of these days I'll upload one or two of the videos to YouTube and let you guys see what sort of thing went on.

1. If you HAD to eat human, what body part would you choose?
Leg.

2. what's the best top ramen flavor?
Chicken

3. what does your favorite pair of shoes look like?
My moto-cyco boots.

4. find the picture frame closest to you. who's in it?
My son, a few yrs ago, "swimming" in six inches of ocean water. Huge smile on his face.

5. if your best friend were to get annoyed with you, what would be the reason?
I'm argumentative.

6. do you ever feel lame for taking pictures of yourself for myspace?
I don't really do that. MySpace is not my thing.

7. do you have any memory of new years/eve?
1995 > 1996: dancing hard while downing half a jereboam of cheap champagne.

8. what would instantly attract you to someone?
Laughter

9. is sleeping naked uncomfortable?
Not as much as it used to be.

10. would you rather go on a roller coaster or a water slide?
WATER SLIDE!

11. what would be your ideal birthday party?
Dinner, movie, hanging out, and Trivial Pursuit.

12. are cutesy nicknames for significant others overrated?
No. Just be reasonable.

13. do you ever feel awkward while shopping for undergarments?
Nope.

14. if you could have ANY career, no questions asked, what would it be?
Baseball player or full-time musician.

15. does the thought of childbirth scare the crap out of you?
No. But then again I have seen it!

16. how many words per minute do you think you can type?
Maybe 100.

17. what goes on first, right shoe or left shoe?
It depends. No consistency on my part.

18. would you describe your style as casual, or more dressy?
Supa-cazh.

19. do people with too many facial piercings gross you out?
Absolutely.

20. have you ever thought that you might die before your parents do?
Of course, if I'm lucky.

21. is hello kitty cool?
NO.

22. if you told your parents you were gay, would they be able to accept it?
More than likely.

23. would you describe yourself as spontaneous or planned?
Spontaneous.

24. what do you enjoy about doing surveys?
Sharing. Having people learn more about ME! ME! ME!

25. what's your favorite summertime activity?
Anything involving A/C.

26. would you feel nerdy going to an arcade?
No.

27. are candlelit dinners romantic or cheesy?
Certainly can be.

28. speaking of romantic, what would a guy have to do to completely sweep you off your feet?
He'd have to "convert" me first.

29. do you think you could eat a large, non-poisonous, living spider for $100,000?
Yes.

30. are british accents attractive?
Sure.

31. what's the nicest thing your parents have ever done for you?
Gave me intellectualism.

32. were you a bully as a child?
No, I was the victim.

33. if you were to go on a picnic, what all would you pack?
Fried chicken. But then again, that's my food-related answer for everything.

34. would you ever shop at goodwill?
I used to.

36. have you ever farted in front of a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Hell yeah. How else can you properly vet them?

37. is it weird when people chew their ice cream?
Absolutely. Nutjobs all.

38. does your best friend know your darkest secret? do you know theirs?
I don't know what my darkest secret is.

39. do you enjoy going to the zoo?
Oh god no. Horrible things.

40. are brownies better with or without nuts?
With, baby. With.

In no particular order. No cheatings!

1. "So rose the dreadful ghost from his next and blackest opera."
2. "Time for me to get away from you, and enter into Creation."
3. "Surrender is a perfectly acceptable alternative in extreme circumstances!"
4. "We both have dead people in our families."
5. "When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake."
6. "Wonderful girl. Either I'm going to kill her or I'm beginning to like her."
7. "Do you spend time with your family? Good. Because a man that doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man."
8. "Don't do shit unless."
9. "I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like the guy said... my tummy itches."
10. "I don't want anything to happen to him while my mother's alive."

UPDATE: If it's bolded, someone successfully guessed it (see comments). I chose to bold instead of show the answers so that people can keep guessing without having to see the ones already chosen.

UPDATE 2: Extra points for anyone who can tell me what four of the first five have in common, plot-wise.

(1) Go to career crusing.
(2) Put in Username: nycareers, Password: landmark.
(3) Take their "Career Matchmaker" questions.
(4) Post the top fifteen results.

1. Historian *
2. Animator
3. Desktop Publisher
4. Fashion Designer
5. Cartoonist / Comic Illustrator *
6. Costume Designer
7. Set Designer
8. Artist *
9. Graphic Designer *
10. Medical Illustrator
11. Computer Animator
12. Director of Photography
13. Anthropologist
14. Special Effects Technician *
15. Criminologist

* Jobs I have actually fantasized about or participated in some way.